So, I go this idea from a blog called “Letter’s that I’ll never send..” it was on “The Daily Meme” and I thought it was interesting. Now, while I doubt that I’ll be participating every Thursday (perhaps because I’m easily a cry-baby) I figured today would be a good time to express my feeling and gratitude to someone who is no longer in my life, my grandmother. So here goes all the emotion I’ve been harboring for the past four-years.

Dear Abuela,

Thanks. Thanks for teaching me patience when I didn’t and don’t have any. Thank you for teaching me about love, pure love, unselfish love. Thank you for putting up with my brattiness I know it was A LOT to handle sometimes but you worked through it like a trooper.

I miss you. I can’t express how much regret I had once you passed. I had so many thing I wanted to still share with you and I didn’t get a chance too. I’m engaged now, I wish you could meet him. He’s very good to me and I know you look down and see this. I wish you could be at the wedding with you. I’ll save you a seat regardless, I’ll be wearing the necklace I gave you. It makes me feel close to you. That’s important to me.

When you passed, I lived in denial for a long time. Longer then I wish I had and after I got over that stage I thanked god for letting you live a beautiful life surrounded by people who loved you dearly. I also thank him for letting you in so peacefully with no pain in your warm bed and not in some cold and lonely hospital. I’ll always miss you and I’ll ALWAYS love you. So thank you once again for giving me the most beautiful gift of all, you.

Tu Nieta,
Cary

(Waterworks a-flowing.)

I feel the need to introduce myself and I will. My name is Cary I am an engaged twenty-eight year old living in Miami,fl the capital of humidity. I’m excited, ya know? getting married, starting a new life with my best friend. But enough about that. I blog. I’ve been blogging since I was roughly seventeen. I started at the usual place, blogspot. I moved around to diaryland, opendiary, typepad and ultimately ended up on livejournal. I guess I kind of wanted “privacy”  the password feature or “friends-only” feature really drew me to make it my final blogging home. I however, always longed for my own domain. I love to upload pictures but it’s annoying to have to host somewhere else. This .net gives me space, storage, cache!

So let me get to blogging. I did not have an exciting day today. I’ve been suffering with night-time anxiety/panic attacks for the last couple of months. This month, it has gotten significantly worse my sleep has suffered termendously and it’s something that I can’t just “turn off”. I wish I could roll over and fall into sweet slumber but my brain keeps thinking something is wrong and I hear my heartbeat more then a normal person because I’m a massive hypochondriac. So, I usually like to browse the boards at weddingbee on my phone since I can’t sleep even if I tried. Last night however I decided to google “night-time anxiety/stomach anxiety” I read a message board on how someone was prescribed drugs for this zoloft I believe. Now, I’m not an advocate on pills. The only pills I take are vitamins.

So, I dug a little deeper and found another interesting and beneficial tid-bit. B1 helps greatly reduce anxiety specially in women! So, when I got up I went to walgreens and picked up a bottle. It has more benefits and is not solely for anxiety and since it’s a vitamin I don’t feel guilty taking it. Hopefully, tonight  I will actually fall asleep, stay asleep and get some much needed rest. Oh, and I also had lunch w/my fiance we ate at Subway in the same shopping center I used to work. We strolled by the empty office space. I swear it’s been five-years since I worked there and it still hasn’t been leased! that place must had some seriously bad ju-ju.

Onward mush!

Cary